AudreyEllis

Happy (belated) 2009!

I have a looming and incredibly intimidating deadline for my grad school application. I want to mail it either tomorrow afternoon, or Friday morning.

Problem is, I've done next to nothing.

Fail.

And I'm still alive, by the way.

Just as I expected (but hoped against), I fell out of the blogosphere, once again. I realize that no one actually reads my updates here on LJ, but I still feel guilty about abandoning what must be my 183092nd blog that has been begun and then promptly forgotten in the span of a month or two.

Sentimentality begs me to keep Live Journal, since I became a member in the late 1990s. But... bah. eBlogger might be superb.  I should know by now, since I've had them all...

Oh, my goodness!!!

I've forgotten to keep up with my 2008 Reading List. Oh, bother.
In no particular order...

4) Secrets of the Hollywood Girls Club, by Maggie Marr.
I'm just finishing this, with about 20 pages to go. So far it's... alright. I figure I would have enjoyed it more if I had read the first book of the series before taking on this ARC I received from LibraryThing's Early Reviewers club. Oh, well. The characters are a bit flat, the style isn't really what I prefer, but the ending was definitely surprising! Perhaps if I were still in my chick lit phase, I would have enjoyed it a bit more than I have.

5) The Rise of Silas Lapham, by Howells.
Neat! I really enjoyed this book, which I read with Prof. Pfeiffer in ENG 318. Definitely something to return to.

6) The Marrow of Tradition, by Charles Chesnutt.
Another fun book from Pfeiffer's class. I really enjoyed it, and find it fascinating that the plot was based on actual race riots in Wilmington, NC in the 1800s.

7) Sex and the Single Girl, by Helen Gurley Brown.
This was one of the three sources I used for my capstone with Prof. Clark. It was a fun text to work with, especially when compared to the others - The Feminine Mystique and the President's Commission's Report on the Status of Women.

8) The End of America, by Naomi Wolf.
Fascinating! And what's more, Wolf gave a lecture on campus. I got to speak to her during it (asked a question about why she published with Chelsea Green, and when to expect another blog update on the Huffington Post), and then also had my copy signed after the lecture. She's a really wonderful speaker, and very enthusiastic about both her writing and her readers. I'm a fan.

9) Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life, by Rosenthal.
Read it with Prof. McCloskey in our Creative Nonfiction workshop. Really, really interesting!!! Plus, she's friends with John Green. *squee*

10) Bachelor Girls, by Wendy Wasserstein.
Great collection of essays and articles by Wasserstein.

11) High Tide in Tucson, by Barbara Kingsolver.
Terriffic! I read this with McCloskey, as well. I'm hoping to use it in an independent study course I'd like to set up with Professor Estes in the Fall. Wish me luck!

I know there are plenty more books I've read this semester. However, many of them weren't completely finished, and I feel guilty putting them on here. Bah, humbug. This summer will be all about reading! I have piles and piles of books to gobble up! Last night, Sean bought me a copy of John Green's Looking for Alaska, so that's next on my list. Can't wait!!!

For valentines day my fiance gave me a Blackberry! I'm trying out the internet with it right now. So cool!

Books two and three from 2008 are:

2) Matthew Lewis's The Monk - a gothic romance from the 1800s. Rape, violence, the devil, and anti-religious stuff. Crazy nuns who try and kill pregnant ladies by chaining them up in crypts. Incest. Written in 10 days by an Oxford grad. Pretty impressive.

3) Wendy Wasserstein's Bachelor Girls - a collection of her personal essays. Some great ones, some not so great ones. Overall, I'm glad I read it and I don't want to read it again for a very long time.

So, yeah. Hooray for books!

Once again, I'm using my LJ as a scratch pad. This time, it's an assignment for my writing workshop. Creative non-fiction writing, in the form of a personal essay. It's supposed to be metaphorical and meaningful. Mine is just pessimistic. 

- - - - - - - - - 

We stood in a row, our faces pressed up against the cold fence, peering into the dark night. The rain which had seemed to make the whole city glimmer with magic was now cold, icy bullets which nipped at our faces in the biting wind. It was nothing like I had anticipated. My fingers were laced into the fence that held us all in, watching the lights of Paris flicker and blink at us from so far above. Surrounded by happy, laughing strangers. Disappointment washed over me. The icon of Paris seemed far better when I had been staring up at it. Now as I stood atop it, the magic and splendor had washed away with the chilling rain. From above, La Ville-lumière has lost the golden glow cast upon it by the tower's cloak of twinkling lights. 

For many, it is a basic human need to struggle up the ladder of success until the top is reached. Whether that peak be a mountain's summit or a CEO's boardroom armchair does not matter. As children, we are taught to respect and look up to landmark men and their inventions. In New York City, the race to build the tallest buildings drew attention from around the world, and for some ended on a tragic September morning. It is ingrained in us to think that bigger is better, and that better is best. The method of climbing does not seem to matter very much, in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps I would have appreciated it more if I had climbed the 1,665 steps, instead of taking the glass elevators to the top observation deck. Perhaps the young heirs of the wealthy would appreciate their inheritances more if it were earned, as well.  But, just as there is an unavoidable pressure on us to strive for the top, there is also the ever-present temptation of taking shortcuts to win the race.

You can imagine my surprise when I realized that being on top of Paris was not as empowering as I had expected. The ability to look down upon one of the most beloved cities of the world did nothing for me. I felt separated. An observer. I wanted nothing more than to be back on the streets of Paris. Separation from the buzz of life, even on a rainy July night. 

If I hadn't gone to the top of the Eiffel Tower, I'm sure I would have regretted it. I would have wondered what I had missed, would have longed for that feeling of being on top of the world. We were so high up that the beautiful characteristics of Paris, which were breathtaking from the ground, merely blended together into a miniature map, of sorts. The only truly distinguishable feature was the Seine, snaking away into the distance. I would have been much happier to sit on a bench and watch the world unfold around me, instead of beneath.  Since it was dark and raining, none of the arial pictures faired well. The only photo to document my trip to the top is one shot of me, grinning and bundled up, before a background of wire fence which separated me from the black night.

Overactive imagination. 

More than anything, I was lonely at the top. It seemed silly to come all this way, just to stare down at where we had come from and mutter "Oh, how beautiful," to the mesmerized strangers surrounding me.

They say that money cannot buy your happiness, and that it truly is lonely at the top. 

Miniature Eiffel Tower sits on my desk as a reminder of my trip.

An ad which I just caught the end of on tv contains the following warning:

"side effects may include . . . severe diarrhea"


AHHH! EWWWWWWWWW! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

This semester is proving to be very chaotic and stressful, and it's only the second week. I think I've dug myself into a massive sinkhole, of sorts. I'm doing my History capstone, a class on Victorian Literature, an American Literature course, and a workshop on Creative Nonfiction Writing. Basically, this calls for me consuming and analyzing about 4 books a week, writing a few papers, and giving a presentation or two. EVERY FREAKIN' WEEK.  Oh, and on top of this, the scheduling got messed up at work. The solution, it seems, is that I have a NINE HOUR SHIFT today. Then, a night class tonight. 

My brain is caffeene deprived and completely fried. Whatever ideas I come up with for my first creative writing assignment will be utter rubbish, I'm sure. 

Just wanted to complain and rant. Hope you didn't read all of that.

Books I'm currently reading but doubt I'll ever finish:

Barry Commoner's The Closing Circle
Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird
Matthew Lewis's The Monk
HGB's Sex and the Single Girl
some American short stories that I can't remember
The Fingersmith by some person who I've forgotten


All I want to do is sit down and enjoy a gigantic mocha, and shut my eyes for a few minutes.

So,  I've been creeping around in the book communities today, and it looks like everyone is starting their 2008 reading list. GAH. I just started counting in September, but I want to start over again! It would take me from 18, down to 1. I guess it's worth it. This way, I can start fresh and keep track of what I read throughout the year, not just what my professors thrust in my face last semester. Plus, I should include a bit of a synopsis and opinion, since my memory is just that terrible.

So, here it is. Officially. 

Books I've read in 2008:

1) Silas Marner, by George Eliot.
I've been meaning to read this since last Spring, when I did a project on girl heroines and father figures. Next week, I start a Victorian lit. class where we'll read a few of Eliot's short stories. I figured that now is a good enough time as ever, and I picked up the novel. There was little character development with Eppie, the little girl. This surprised me, but it was interesting to see how Marner changed from a good man, into a scrooge, into a father. Plus, the upperclass secondary story line with Godfrey and Nancy and the rest was a good break from the little hut by the stone pits. A fun look into the period, and a good taste of Eliot's style.



I'm about a third of the way through Sex and the Single Girl, by Helen Gurly Brown. It was written in 1962, and I think I'm going to use it as the centerpiece for my undergrad thesis. Brown went on to become the editor in chief (and basically the creator) of Cosmopolitan magazine, and even though she's now in her 80's, she's the international editor of over 50 different issues. The book, so far, is entertaining. Reading critically is difficult, since it reads like a crappy Cosmo advice article at times. And, it's intended audience is me, so it's hard to take a step back.

I finished reading George Eliot's Silas Marner (book number 18)! It took ages. But, as always, while reading one book I managed to obtain 10 or 15 new ones. I really need to start shopping around for a bookcase. Or two.  Or just buy more boxes to store my babies in. (Babies meaning books, not children. :P)

I also whipped through Tim Burton's book about Oyster Boy. Can't recall the whole title right now, but it was cute.  The  poem Anchor Baby is definitely one to come back to.

Next few books on the list include:
Helen Gurly Brown's Sex and the Single Girl (1962 first edition)
Simon Sebag Montefiore's Young Stalin
George Hagen's Tom Bedlam

Finished with book 16/50. I had intended to read a Madeline Warwick novel, but I decided that it was just not for me a few chapters in, and traded up. Last night, I finished Something Borrowed, by Emily Giffin. I was pleasantly surprised when I was, well... surprised! With most chick lit, the characters are all the same, and the ending is predictable after reading the first chapter. Not true with Giffin's bestseller. Although the plot was a bit eerie and disturbing, considering the recent turmoil in my own life, I really cared for the characters.

Towards the end, I just skimmed through a lot of the dialogue. I'm not sure if I was tired, or if it was really that bad. The lead male character got on my nerves, and I was secretly hoping she would fall in love with her old friend from elementary school and move to London. The most exciting part was when she and her friend were in Kensington Gardens - I was holding my breath and hoping that they'd go to my statue. No luck. But, the main plot consisted of Rachel, who is/was Darcy's maid of honor in her upcoming wedding - until she has an affair with the groom. Lots of twists and turns, and very well written. I think there's a companion piece with Darcy's side of the story. Should be interesting.

No time for that, though! I'm on to book 17: George Eliot's Silas Marner. I've been meaning to read it for ages. Bought it at B&N yesterday, along with some Emerson, Bronte, and Dickens. I'm gearing up for my Victorian Lit class (minus the Emerson).

Book 15 is finished! 

Just skimmed through the end of "Sixties People", which makes that my 15th book (almost) finished. Next to me is book #16, Madeline Wickham's Cocktails for Three. I bought it in a charity shop while I was in England, this past summer. Hope it's good! The Shopaholic books (written under the alias Sophie Kinsella) are some of my very favorite chick lit. And, we all know that I could use a break from the 19th century literature. A little fluff can't hurt...

Book  Challange Update:

Book 14 (Look Me In the Eyes) is finished, and it was great! I wrote a glowing review on Amazon, so I won't go into it here. But, I do think I'll be buying it for my mom and dad this Christmas.

Exhausted, still.

Finished with FINALS!

I GOT A 4.0 ON MY UNDERGRAD THESIS!!!

That is all.

Exhaustion  has set in, but I have to admit that I'm having a pretty good week, considering it's exams time. Yesterday was awesome. Not only did I have a full night's rest after finishing my undergrad thesis, but instead of turning it in at the professor's office, she invited me and about 10 other girls to her house. Hooray for "The Pfeiff"! She and her husband, a history professor who is one of my very favorites, have a terriffic, California-style 1960s house (with a flat roof that has to be shoveled in the winter). It's all art-deco and whatnot, with great art and books in every room. I could have stayed a week. They made us pizza (from scratch), yummy desert, and then we sat around by the fire and played trivia games. Definitely the best final exam I've taken. And, the most delicious.

While I was there, I found out that the other exam I've taken this week turned out quite well. The aforementioned husband and history professor taught one of my classes this semester, and he told me that my essay was great, and that he enjoyed reading it. Hooray!!! I was rather proud of it, myself. It was a great class, all about American culture and society's views of luck and chance. Extremely interesting, and great texts to read.

One more exam to go, and it's an in-class essay on modern women's history. Shouldn't be too bad, especially if I study for it. I'm at work for the rest of the day, so I probably won't be able to crack open my notes until tomorrow morning (the exam is at 3pm). It's a long week, but I'll survive.

I've been pondering the topic for the second undergrad thesis that I have to write, next semester. The basic topic is the Sixties, and within that I can choose my own focus. It's almost too broad. I'm looking into a project on To Kill a Mockingbird, or maybe children's literature. Or maybe Tom Brokaw's new book (Boom!), or his documentary (1968) which aired a few days ago on the History Channel. Lots of options for a culture vulture.

 More scribblings for a different paper I'm working on. It's basically a critique of Andrew Birkin's biography of J.M. Barrie.

Back Flap of 1979 hardcover:

The Lost Boys. A selection of press reviews of Andrew Birkin's television play.

- "I doubt if biography has ever been better televised than in this sensitive and beautifully crafted masterpiece." The Daily Telegraph

- "It is only very rarely that a television drama comes along in which every constituent manages to provide a  flawless contribution." The Financial Times

- "One of the finest pieces of television drama I have ever seen." The Listener

- "Andrew Birkin's convincing and compelling biographical trilogy is most beautifully and sensitively done." The Guardian

Inside front flap:
Summary of the biography "the pages that follow this meeting unfold the extraordinary story of Barrie's involvement with the Davies boys." Continues to back flap "the author of this book has included numerous quotations from Barrie's previously unpublished notebooks, which have been made available by Yale University. He has had the full co-operation of the Llewelyn Davies family, in particular the last survivng 'Lost Boy', Nico, and has been allowed to draw extensively on a fascinating family memoir written at a later date by Peter Davies, which the latter called 'The Morgue'. One of the many most attractive features of teh book are the illustrations, many of them taken by barrie himself, which record the day to day activities of a beautiful family and are highly evocative of a period - the Edwardian - which now seems so remote." continued. "Andrew Birkin, helped in his research by Sharon Goode, conceived and wrote the script for the BBC production The Lost Boys, a trilogy of plays which received wide critical acclaim when first shown in 1978, and which was the BBC's drama entry for the 1979 Monte Carlo Festival." (end)

Observations:
1979 Edtion: First published in Great Britain 1979 by Constable and Company Ltd 10 Orange Street London WCaH 7EG. Copyright 1979 by AB and Laurentic Film Productions Ltd.
Front cover is very attractive. Nostalgic picture of a boy dressed in what is supposed to be recognized as a Peter Pan costume, his legs spread wide apart and an impish expression on his face. The title and author's byline are written in gold and cream, very eye-catching. It feels like you're holding something of substance, with thick paper and faces peering back at you from every page. Tells a story not only with words, but with pictures, which set it apart from the traditional biography. An unexpected treasure-trove of documents and pictures, many of which were taken by JMB as a hobby. Each turn of the page reveals a picture (or many) which make AB's narrative come alive. Not so much a companion piece to the documentary, but a stand-alone work.
Inside the front and back covers, extensive familiy trees of the subjects being studied (Llewelyn Davies and Du Maurier) are shown.
Title page is coupled with the "to die..." illustration. Foreboding? Becomes very meaningful later in the book. The dedication, "To my Mother", seems rather innocent.
Two quotes. An  A.E. Housman poem
Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?

That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.

"Your'e old, but you're not grown up. You're one of us."
Alexander Puttnam, aged 11

What we gather about Birkin, before reading: closely tied with tv and screenwriting. Author picture is very youthful, ordinary, walking down abandoned railroad tracks. Artisticy emo? Downward directed eyes shaded by longer shaggy hair. Recent pictures of AB are still brooding, with hair that is still rebelliously long, but thinning.
Introduction begins with the "May God blast..." quote from one of Barrie's late journals.

2003 Edition:
Although the cover art has been slightly modified. Added the subtitle: The real story behind Peter Pan.
Back flap press reviews:
"Positively the most captivating book I have read in years . . . an absolutely gripping love story which is both moving and harrowing" Margaret Forster, Evening Standard
"A psychological thriller . . . one of the year's most complex and absorbing biographies" Gerald Clarke, Time
"My most unforgettable read of the year" Ronald Blythe, The Guardian
"A truly chilling story, wonderfully told" Sheridan Morley, The Times
"Unquestionably the best book on the subject, and unlikely to ever be surpassed" Sir Rupert Hart-Davis
"A terrible and fascinating story" Eve Auchincloss, Washington Post
"This stunningly constructed biography . . . is a story of obession and the search for pure childhood; touching, moving charming, a revelation" Caroline Thompson, Los Angeles Times
"Originally published in 1979, this enchanting and richly illustrated account is reissued with a new preface and additional illustrations on the release of Neverland, a film based on Barrie's relationship with the Davies family, and the centenary of Peter Pan in 2004." Birkin's list of acheivements has greatly expanded since the first edition. Listed on the back cover are his multiple awards from his film career, and mentions his three sons.
The inclusion of the sprawling family tree from the first edition has been overlooked, in favor of over a dozen additional glowing reviews from publications such as the New York Times, Daily Telegraph, and Boston Globe. "The most candid and perceptive biography to have been written on Barrie," quips the Oxford Companion to Children's Literature. "A fascinating story, beautifully constructed and told with grace, great sympathy, and skill..." Gillian Reynol;ds, Daily Telegraph.
Opposite the old dedication is the acknowledgement of the Special Trustees of Great Ormond Street Hospital Children's Charity, to whom AB donated the copyright of the book in commemoration of JMB. Not showy.
Introduction to the Yale Editon includes recent revelations, and fills in some of the gaps between the 1979 edition and the 2003 edition. Recounts AB's beginnings as a JMB scholar. The biography's theme of direct and lengthy quotes from primary sources continues in the new introduction. Very upfront about the massive amounts of information left out, due to the page limitations (SHOW HIS AUDIENCE), and the numerous documents and such which have surfaced since. Tantalizing.

Once again, I'm using my abused LJ as a storage space for a work in progress. All those offended may contact the chair of the history department here at OU with their outrage. This weekend, I have to write this paper on single mothers on welfare, finish reading a few books, research and write my undergrad thesis, prepare to present it, study for two major exams, work extra shifts at the library, and find time not only to sleep, but also to make delicious food for the two academic holiday parties I've been roped into attending. ACK!

By working at the library here on campus, I have had the unique experience of seeing the leaders of tomorrow showcasing their true personalities. I fear for the future of public education. I cannot count the number of times an education major has come blazing in, full of selfrighteousness and bitchiness. They're truly awful girls (not women) who I would keep my supposed children away from, at all costs. The particular one at the desk with my coworker is a true monster. 

Future Teachers of America: GET OVER YOURSELVES. 
And yes, I can say that. I used to be one, myself.
- - - - -

Are the women they describe (poor single mothers) bound by the doctrine of separate spheres?

Thus-far inescapable stigma of women in the workforce. Although there has been much progress (both through policy changes and grassroots movements), the basic image of a good mother persisted. Although single mothers did all they could to care for their children, their hard work and sacrifice was never enough for those who criticized the class of welfare recipients. 

Not so much "bound" by the doctrine of separate spheres, as they are by their basic responsibility as parents.

Without their stereotypical counterpart of a husband who would traditionally brave the agora, these single women accept responsibilities from both spheres. The women examined in Kathryn Edin and Laura Lein's Making Ends Meet are filling their role in society, that of a responsible citizen, to the best of their ability given the circumstances. While the doctrine of separate spheres portrays a divison between the man's economic realm and the home-centered role of women. In the case of single mothers, the boundaries of these spheres are transgressed, morphing the two into one of heightened responsibility both within and outside of the home. Their lack of success in keeping up with the widely accepted standard of living is not entirely their own fault, but the evident lack of willingness to help in the nation as a whole.

Has the doctrine bound them into their situation? 
The accepted form of the doctrine of separate spheres has gone through a series of transformations in America. As women have gained their own voices in the society and claimed territory in the workplace, the understanding of a traditinal woman's role has also progressed. Female workers have become an integral part of the economy, bringing positive changes to the workplace and marketplace. However, the inequality between male and female workers is clearly illustrated in Making Ends Meet. Although the traditional doctrine has been done away with, the workplace inequality of single mothers and the stereotypes heaped upon them is a lasting effect of the transformation of the two separate spheres. While women gained more and more influence in the work place, the home still largely remained their sole domain, pushing many men out of the picture. This profound display of the ability of women to both reproduce and produce in life is overshadowed by their failure to do so while maintaining the average standard of living in the materialistic and aflluent modern American society.

The equality of abilties which come natural for men and women has been hotly debated for centuries. In the 18th  and 19th centuries, this debate was enveloped into the debate over citizenship and a political voice for women. In the middle of the 20th century, the debate over equality merged with the abilities of women in the work place. In today's society women are entitled to the rights of a full American citizen and are considered to be on even terms as female employees under federal law. However, the same government which grants this apparent equality refuses to help women most in need - single mothers living below the poverty line. The government which is meant to protect American citizens has done a substantial amount of harm. Not providing the opportunities needed. 1996 Welfare Reform. Gov't does not keep up with the basic needs of impoverished Americans. Calls for improved funding toward programs such as health care, education, and financial assistance have remained largely unanswered.

profound, illuminate, focus, shift, regression, cult of domesticity, both productive and reproductive, stereotype of a nurturing mother, persistant cultural barrier (?), jobs which are stereotypically held by women and men, separate but motehrs are seen as equal when staying within their sphere but very undervalued in labor market. Backlash recently against stay-at-home mothers who do not pursue a career, but also against mothers who choose to work. Lose-lose situation. Cultural ideals and expectations for women and mothers are at odds and change with each generation. Disenchanted. Expendable income. Womens issues in politics, recently. More influence. Still, the voice of the struggling single mother is largely unheard. 1950s image of the ideal mother  promoted by the media was a regression - replaced ideas of equality with a vision of a submissive, appropriate housewife.

"Guilded Age women working away from home are at odds with the cult of domesticity - women must be home to keep house and children in line. Those in workforce are unfit mothers. Taking boarders, etc, also takes mother's focus away from bettering children. Sphere demands that women stay in their place and keep the home running smoothly. Highly unrealistic for the impoverished. Poor are seen as uneducated and immoral, women are blamed." 9/18

"Transformation of American attitudes concerning poverty in the 1950s" Nov. 8th Poverty became a popular platform issue in American politics following WWII, as if a far-reaching light was suddenly shed on the social fringes of America. The standard of living became a scientific certainty and the middle class lifestyle in America was growing increasingly luxurious and expensive. Women were pulled into the labor market in order to account for the financial demands, but most were not looking for a career. Role of affluent women in the workplace became a way to earn pocket money and supplement the material demands of a family. Molly Orshansky measured and defined poverty, focusing on children and the American family. Poverty became a women's issue in the 1960s.
- - - - -

On a more cheerful note, here's my Christmas List (in progress, of course)
Anne of Green Gables on DVD
Target Gift Card
ceramic hair straightener
nearly any book off of my to-read list
brown leather boots
black winter shoes
Rocketdogs!
a trip to Boston
nice writing pens
new lamp (since mine is lame)
new alarm clock
new mouse
Sims 2 expansion packs (pets, nightlife, whatev)
Ugly Betty, Season 1
grad school
more patience
Nintendo DS (Brain Age, Word Coach)
basic everyday earrings
rowing machine
peter pan on DVD
Harry Potter box set 
Oxford University apparel

The mad Christmas scramble has begun, and I'm already exhausted. The holidays are already hectic on their own, but with final exams and a sketchy work schedule piled on top, I usually want to curl up in a ball and wait for the snow to melt. Shifts at work are being flung around like pancakes. As soon as I find someone to cover one of mine, I end up agreeing to sub for another. At least I'll break even in paychecks, if not a bit above normal. I'm pulling for a great schedule after classes end.

Working at the library over the break is never fun, thanks to the "fun" projects invented by our supervisors. Last year, it involved sitting amongst dusty old books for hours on end. Or, even better - shifting journals. Ugh. This year, the inventory is finished. My head boss already mentioned that she didn't have anything in mind, as far as projects go. That means we'll either be given mind-numbing little tasks to keep us busy and out from under foot; or, we'll all be shorted on hours to give everyone face time at the front desk. God forbid they are overstaffed and let us roam about freely like antelope. It's not like they're losing money by having a few extra idle hands. Hell, I could get a LOT of my own work done if they paid me to sit in the back room and do research.

Wish for buckets of luck splashed over my head.

50 Book Challange Update!
Books finished since the last tally include Joslin's Jane Addams, Ellison's Invisible Man (as of about 5 minutes ago), and Echols' Scars of Sweet Paradise.

If I'm not mistaken that bumps my count up to 13 books! I'm not  very impressed, but at least I'm moving toward a solid goal. Over Christmas break, I plan on feeding on words and inhaling books as if my life depends on it. Christmas shopping has already taken up more than I expected, in regards to money. I wanted to make this year a "book Christmas", and give books to all, but I'd rather keep my friends happy by giving things they actually want. Mostly.

Books to read ASAP:
Look Me in the Eye by Robison
The F Word by Bare
What's Your Bridal Style by Naylor
The Don't Sweat Guide for Weddings by Carlson
Silent Woman by Malcolm
Double Down by Barthelme

My mother-in-law-to-be surprised me with three books geared towards brides-to-be. Now, not only do I feel obligated to read them all cover to cover, but I also have to write my thesis on Birkin's bio of Barrie while keeping up with all of my other homework. Oye.

 Must work on essay. Should have been done yesterday. Storage space, in the form of LJ.

Biography: A Writer's Strife

The boundaries of privacy when dealing with a subject's personal stories has been a recurring and difficult question.

While the popular trend in society today is to promote nonconformity and independance, thre is also an underlying truth - that a person's identity is largely shaped by society as a whole. While not decidedly good or bad, the fact that other people have power over an individial's identity is daunting and somewhat difficult to accept. From birth, we are taught to be our own person, to follow our own beliefs, and to become independant individuals. In her lecture about Jane Addams, Dr. Katherine Joslin presented this idea, briefly, to her audience, stating that we know ourselves by knowing others. By compairing ourselves to those around us, we learn about our own opinions, beliefs, quirks,  faults, and individuality.  - Joslin Lecture, November 12th

 I've been looking into grad schools over the past few weeks, and I'm really interested in the dual-degree programs at Simmons, in Boston. They're pretty damn awesome. The two I'm most interested in are the MAT&Kiddie Lit program, and the Library Services & Kiddie Lit program. Each takes a few years.

I met with Professor Katherine Joslin (English Dept. at Western) last week, when she came to Oakland to lecture about her new Jane Addams biography. She is fabulous! She gave a formal lecture on Monday night, an informal question and answer session on Tuesday afternoon, and then Tuesday evening I had the excellent experience of going to dinner with her! OU's English dept. footed the bill, and so The Pfeiff and 4 other girls from our capstone went to dinner at Bravo! with Joslin. The food was delicious, but the conversation was truly enlightening. We sat for three hours, discussing a whole range of things including Addams, Oakland in the 60s, my love life, the joys of chocolate, Simmons, and personal antecdotes. It was one of the very best experiences I've had here at OU, and I'm positive that had I been at MSU or another larger and impersonable school, I never would have had the opportunity.

What I found odd, and a bit "freaky", were the most personal conversations with Joslin and the other girls. It went beyond polite interest in one another. Joslin grilled Ashley and me about where we wanted to go after our days at OU end. I mentioned the idea of Children's Literature at Simmons, and both Pfeiffer and Joslin jumped on it. Apparently, I'd have a job secured the day after graduation. In fact, Joslin was just offered a Provost position at Simmons. Then, we went into the relationship sphere, which resulted in even more interest. Apparently, Joslin's daughter is currently going through a separation with her husband, whom she met as a child (parallel) and married young (parallel). Foreboding. Then, Pfeiffer brought up her own rocky past marriage with her former highschool (?) sweet heart. I know they weren't trying to spook me - just to warn me - and I took all of their advice and experience gladly. I love Sean, and I think we'll be alright, but with every story like this I get a little more worried. I've tried talking to Sean about it, but even if he did understand it I don't think that talking would help. We'll just keep going and enjoy it for as long as it lasts. God, that sounds morbid.

ANYWAY. So, Simmons. I thought I had decided on the Masters of Arts in Teaching (MAT), coupled with a Children's Literature M.A. Then, I came across the Library Services/Child Lit program. I don't know what the current market is like for librarians, but I really do like working here at Kresge. I'm hoping to do an internship in archives (I should get to work on that) over the summer, which is really exciting. I think there's also a way to focus in archival work at Simmons... but I'm not sure. Sean did something wonderful last week. We were talking about grad schools and I was being pessimistic, because I thought it would mean 2 or 3 more years of being apart. Very gallantly, he said he would be happy to stay with me until school is done, even if it means working outside of his sector for a few years. WOW! I was so surprised that I cried. I'm still not sold on the idea. Plus, grad school means loans or one hellacious set of scholarships and hard work.

Hellacious. I love that word. Not sure it works in that sentence, but I'll just pretend.

Too much coffee again. Don't feel well.